Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Bus Stop Beggars: "That moment you realized...Youve been tricking"

The Scenario: You are a somewhat attractive man, who’s intelligent, caring, stable, loving and “fortunate” in the financial arena. You meet a woman who catches your eye and you both begin to dance the dance of daters. You hang out slowly at first, then it becomes all the time and now you two are inseparable. During this time you realize that there are huge disconnects between you too, for example: She’s a complete moron who never grew up and you hate it. Shes terrible with money and you love to save. She likes to go out all the time and you are fine with dinner and Netflix. She doesn’t talk much about anything and you just want to have an adult conversation for once!  Either way this woman is probably not the woman you should be with but you are hell bent on making things work . During this time you’ve become close to her and at this point her family. You don’t mind helping out because her financial situation is chump change compared to what you make/spend. So you shell out the duckets  ::insert make it rain hand movements:: hoping to build a foundation for this woman.
Then she stops doing certain things, after making trivial complaints about time. The arguments ensue almost daily or every time you speak. You think to yourself “what the fuck am I dealing with this shit for!?!?” but still you stay, because for some reason you care and believe, as most men do, that things will inevitably “work themselves out right?”
Then you break up. Well kinda, you still keep in touch with her family because they were like family when you  two were together and you don’t see why they should suffer right? Ha!

You’ve just got GOT! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across this sad ass scenario. Shit like this is what makes good men assholes for life. Preying on women who seem nice, just to return the hurt and turmoil they’ve held themselves hostage to. In my best interpretation of an officer,
“ Sir! SIR! I am going to ask you to slowly put the AMEX card back in your heart and back…..away…. slooooowly!”


Kind men are easier to take advantage of because they’re hearts are always pushing them to do the right thing. The problem is that they never seem to pay attention to the big ass elephant kicking them in the face. They cling to moments that happened during really good times while neglecting the fact that “she” was only a few good moments and could never provide you with a lifetime of them. And what’s even more sappy is you still being there financially for her family as if this is some charitable write off at the end of the year. Unless you have children, biological children with this woman YOU NEED TO SEVER ALL TIES!
Here’s why:
I refuse to be the woman who believes all women are good and all men are evil spawns created to enslave the female race. Nope! Never been me! I’m not bitter nor jaded and I’ve been fucked over more times than a Bad Boy artist. I know as a woman we have our issues! We are human too. This is post is not for women though, this is for men. I hold everyone accountable for their actions, even the ones with really good intentions. I digress.


1.       Women need to know boundaries- it is great that you are so strong financially that you can carry your  whole team. However, you don’t want to be used as the foundation, you really want someone who is interested in helping you build that foundation. Pay attention to what she is adding/giving/providing for both of your foundations. Because GOD FORBID you need to fall back on something else and you don’t have anything because she has contributed to shit!
2.       Time is NOT money- You should NOT always have to shell out them duckets just because ya F…….you get the point! Quality time at home spent reading together, , gardening, bike riding , or walking through the park are just a few corny things couples can do for free. Women like corny and corny is inexpensive so it’s a WIN WIN in my book. Don’t get her accustomed to money time but quality time learning, growing,  and interacting. Watching how she handles situations helps you to understand if she’s really a good fit or whether she is just in it for the thrill.(this should not read, don’t take women out on dates because that is stupid and that will leave you paying for vagina the “immoral way” :inserts pay pal info and email::
3.       Be honest!- men kill me with their resilience in women they do not belong with. Be honest with yourself first! Yes, she’s interesting and nice, but if you had to be stuck in an elevator with this woman for 48 hours would you really be able to live with that? No seriously, what can you do in an elevator for 48 hours besides talk and play around a little. This woman could possibly be the exact reflection of what your daughter will be like if you both happen to get pregnant. Do you really want two of that person in your house? I suggest you answer that before diving in her shallow waters.
4.       Don’t be fooled by Potential!!- Potential is the killer of all relationships! We humans tend to see what we want and disregard the others, with the reasoning that “people will come around” And we are right! They Will but ONLY  when THEY decide to and that could literally be NEVER. Look at George W Bush for instance. He never came around he’s always been a “C for stupid” kind of guy! Don’t ever marry or stick around solely on potential because it’s an illusion! Potential makes you believe and hold onto the following statement “She would be perfect if she just…” die! Die and become who you wish she were to better suit you and what you want;  that my friend is selfish!!
S E L F I S H!
 Being with someone in hopes that they change to suit you is selfish. I would know, I have been selfish a million times. This only leads down the road of “what ifs” and that is just torturous!  Don’t do it to yourself it’s hard, I know! But Man Up and let that phat ass go!
5.       You are Not The Father….- Or brother, sister, uncle cousin, nephew of any of their family. Go away! You look desperate always coming around to family that only wants you or values you for what you can do for them. Ask yourself the last time they did anything for you. Ask yourself the last time they called just to see how you were and to know what was going on with you, without needing anything. If you cannot recall multiple times they’ve invited your over or brought you dinner just make sure you had a home cooked meal, offer to clean your apartment since you do so much for them,  WITHOUT  you having to come out of pocket then, baby, YOU ARE NOT FAMILY! You are an atm. You are the Big Atm that will always be open, surcharge free and they don’t even need a card. They just need an empty hand.  Again sir, YOU are NOT family, you are just being stupid.

This isn’t to say that all women will use you. Because that is not true! This isn’t to discourage you from trusting in women. This should be used as a tool or reminder that you deserve better and should not settle for less than. This isn’t to encourage you to never spend money on women. If that is what you take away from this post you are a moron! And this post wouldn’t have helped you anyway. This post was to help the poor saps out there who will continue to be used because reality isn’t always within reach for some people, at least not as within reach as their credit cards. If you want to have a positive relationship resulting in a positive outlook on women and not be bitter and jaded down the line, set clear boundaries. Be honest about those boundaries and with yourself about your needs. Don’t  always give, give, give to never receive at minimal what you need. If you are one of those men who do not care about how much money you are spending on women or people in general, “Awww! That’s nice!” maybe you’ll go to heaven or get a free slurpee for your efforts but there is no need to give to someone who will not do that same for you. Regardless of their circumstance they can and should always be able to reciprocate. They may not be able to give in the same context as you, but possibly through listening and responding to your needs. I have done plenty to show my love and appreciation for someone I care about who has been generous to me

i also forgot to add something so ill add it when i remember and highlight it in green or something...#PEACE

Will The REAL Issue Please Shut Up!

I am writing this piece to hopefully help, in what ever way I possibly can with the sad state of the black woman in the world today. I notice that there are so many opinions of why we are the way we are, what we need to do and what we need to stop doing. I notice that we are blamed by our men, their men, and their women for all of our issues. I notice that we have no one left to be on our side because not even we are on our side.

I watched a clip of a man discussing why black women are single handedly destroying the black race.

 I thought “Wow! We are the creator and the villain, how interesting!”. His reasons for saying so are:
1.)    Black women continue to have children out of wedlock
2.)    Raise them without fathers
3.)    Believe its ok to have children with worthless men
4.)    Believe its ok to have children with more than one man
5.)    And are raising their children in home where they have to work as singly parents, often neglecting their children and forcing the children to raise themselves, without their husband or proverbial “Baby daddy”, on one income or Reagan’s favorite, “welfare”.
6.)    And these are ALL THEIR FAULTS
Um I take huge issue with this!  For starters, WHERE IS THE MALE ACCOUNTABILITY?
These women cannot make babies by themselves. They also didn’t fall on top of penises without condoms. They also did not run these men off and strip them of their rights to not create a child. NOPE! None of them did that. They had consensual sex with a male counterpart who, by engaging in the act of sex AUTOMATICALLY accepts the possibility of fatherhood.

Too many men, scapegoat their issues to women. I find that men have a hard time admitting to being wrong. I find that men take on a very passive and simplistic views and solutions to the problems women as whole face on the daily, let alone the black woman.  This video is a great example of simplistic and passive. The lists above are a short list of why Walter Lee Hampton ll believes we are destroying our race. No. I am not a single mother. However, I am African American or Black(really im cookie dough brown but I’m clumped under the black umbrella and I embrace it proudly) as he calls me and I was raised in a single parent home. I understand my mother’s plights far better than he would. I have also worked in social service field having to deal with many single mothers on the daily! I am a black woman who dates black man almost exclusively and I believe this man is hateful toward us. I believe he like other gay men, hates himself; It’s not easy being him, he’s huge, black and gay. I would assume that he wants to be a woman but I don’t know him all I know is he has serious contempt for the black woman and offers no real solution in his repetitive rant. I need him to provide more facts that are not loosely based on his families issues either. To hear him say

“Black women have a lot of hate and anger in their hearts toward black men and they take it out on these kids and theyre educating these kids to not like black men.”

Makes me think “He is deranged!!!”  Well let me ask you this sir, where are these black men to dispel this hate black males education? What are they doing to garner this hate? Because from what I see the children you are referring to aren’t mixed babies, they are BLACK BABIES who have black father who they are taught to hate by their black mothers? And it’s all the woman’s fault?

This makes no logical sense what so ever. For every cause there is an effect. Only focusing on the effect without providing any solution or understanding and mentioning the cause is an attack. A biased attack on black women is essentially what this man is committed to. 

So my question is “Why?” Why are these women telling their children to hate black men? Why would they want them to hate their fathers because he is black? Why would they have sex with the father, who is black and already hated by the woman he has sex with? Did she rape him? Force him against his will at gun point? Why would she have sex with men she hates? Was the hatred there before or after the father and mother had sex? If after, then tell me this! What are these fathers doing to create these feelings, or stir up these emotions in their women? Answer me Mr Hampton because I want answers!  

I find it interesting how he doesn’t seem to think that men do anything wrong; that we are just programmed to be angry and hate our men for no reason. When in reality, these men are simply not there. Whether it is physically or mentally they are not with us. Our men have not grown with us. Our men have been trapped in this mental paradox which encompasses a slave mentality and a god complex. This mentality allows them to behave as children while expecting to be treated as gods. These men go about their lives creating babies and not wives. Go about their lives damaging and degrading the very women he says hates them. However, I don’t see black women hating and being angry with our men for no reason.  

 What I do see is :
Our men vehemently calling and referring to us as bitches, whores and objectifying our bodies, publicly in their speech and mostly in their music. I see them denounce our beauty publicly by claiming that our darkness is not wanted unless it comes in lighter packaging. I see them go off and have down low relationships with gay men while bring infidelity, lies, hurt and even std’s into the lives of their women. I see them commit crimes against their families and communities by selling drugs to our community members  and then heading off to jail leaving our homes broken and broke! 

I see them not being role models for our children and I see them commercializing the act in main stream hip hop and supporting it via buying albums quoting lyrics and reciting M.O.B. etc.
 I see male Pastors, who take our money and do nothing to better the circumstances of our communities yet hold every member accountable for tithes. 
I see pastors with mistresses and/or gay lovers.
 I see those forming political ties with those politicians who do not care for us but because he is paid by them will bring them to our pulpits to solicit our votes and we give them, solely based on our trust in our pastor. SMH. 
I see poor excuses for why our communities really are being destroyed. I see exactly and clearly who is doing the destroying. I see and read about so much black on black crime committed by 1 out of 3 black men. But what I don’t see as often are these men who are being subjected to “unwarranted hatred and anger”.
 Black women may be angry but maybe this is because of our men. Maybe when they started to leave us for the exotic and universally desired “lighter woman” did we begin to understand just how alone we are. Maybe she is angry that the man she trusted, who asked her to trust him, who lied to her about his wife, his finances, his sexual orientation, he love for her or his actual interest in more than just her vagina, was not being honest. Maybe she is afraid to die on the table during an abortion procedure. Just maybe these things are possible. Maybe these women haven’t a father to teach them how they were to be treated, loved or touched by a man. Maybe she is promiscuous because she has learned from other man that that is all she is worth! That is all she is wanted for. Because sir as a black woman who has never been pregnant in my life I struggle with becoming the women you hate every day. I see why a lot of these women are where they are. I see that they may have given in to temptation of love money and vaginal freedom. I recognize how these men can be pretty convincing if you are not strong in yourself. I know that there are many women who are not strong in themselves and that to expect them all to just wake up and snap out of the karmic loop is idealistic and unrealistic. I recognize the self-esteem issues caused by the desire to appeal to the black male and his pseudo ego.  I see the desire of the women to want to be the “down ass bitch”, “the rid or die”, the “main bitch”, the “best friend”, all in hopes of being a wife! But some never make it there.

I wonder if this is because we are supposed to be damn near everything simultaneously for you and you are to be a provider and lover as our consolation. Meaning, I am expected to be the super freak- mother Theresa-Halle berry/Buffy look alike- with long beautiful hair, no stomach, fat booty, big breasts, educated, spiritual, opinionated without giving unsolicited opinion, girlfriend, who does everything a wife does with no guarantee or pressure for a ring, that you get to live with until you decide you're ready for the next step. Ha! Right keep waiting boo!

If you aren’t taught, who is supposed to teach you? 

Our male counterparts who are so logical and “biologically pre-packaged without the burden of emotions clouding your judgment” in all that you do, please help me understand how you give up on us so easily when we have yet to give up on you?

 Hence, these babies by men most women would never consider. Here are some things for you to consider:  Perhaps we are lonely!  Lonely, due to the amount of black men who are unavailable because they are in jail, somewhere in suburban America or abroad with their white/exotic/trophy women, or gay lovers to take the time to understand that most women naturally desire children, regardless of the man interest. That when loneliness sets in from being undesired, mistreated, uneducated, unwanted and bad mouthed, all you really want is someone to love who will love you back. Who will never leave and in this scenario it is because they can’t, they are yours and they will need you more than anything else. 

Perhaps these are reasons why we are in a complete state of disarray. Perhaps sir! Not surely, because not all of us are to be thrown under your personal hatred bus as you suggest. Not all of us need the kind of commentary you offer. We are people and we deserve respect and  understanding! For years we took the back seat as our men were put at the forefront. For years we watched as the very man you are determined to be like demean you and we sat by many a sides while you gathered your lives and picked up your pride and left us to nothing in the end. If you want to blame anyone sir, blame yourself. I am not here to place blame but to provide and alternative perspective, to ask for compassion and some understanding because we deserve it. ALL of us.

  1. Stop treating us as one night stands and have some integrity about your own actions.
  2. Treat all women the way you would want your daughters to be treated
  3. If she has too much going on for you or is not your type walk away and be honest. Giving her an idea of why you are no longer interested helps prepare her for the next person.
  4. Be respectful. Should I really have to explain why? We get enough from the media and other folks we don’t need it from you.
  5. Stop calling non-kinky-nappy hair good hair and maybe just maybe I’ll be comfortable enough to love my natural self.
  6. Teach your sons right! Don’t abandon them by getting locked up.
  7. Be responsible- think about your children or your future children at all times. You think about them before that hit or heroin, before you cheat on your wife, before you get into a fight because we all need you back in the home!

 For all that we all have gone through se should give each other support not bash each other. Understanding and respect is Paramount here!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Shaw University student provides a look at the destruction on campus

Shaw University student provides a look at the destruction on campus: "A Shaw University sophomore is providing a first-hand look at the destruction on campus caused by a fatal storm system that ripped across North Carolina."